tidbits of my life
It is my last day to live in Gading Nias. It is a nice place that I rent together with my fella for a year. For exactly one year, we’ve shared this place. In the beginning of this year, she got to continue her study in Salemba, so there came a pretty hard time when she has to manage her time for study and work. Then she took decision not to continue rent the apartment with me anymore, so she could move out to Salemba. I could continue the rental all by my self, but then I Ifigured out that I couldn’t manage to afford it. Here comes the reality.. I have to move out because I can’t afford to stay anymore 😉
Today I also got quite a bad news from my family. I won’t share it here, but bacause it stir my family in it, this news clearly make me feel devastated. For a while, I questioned God for allowing me to feel this pain. But then I realized that this mess got nothing to do compare to what He has done to me. How come I get so worry? When did in my life that He fail to take care of me? NEVER.
Did you read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth? Although I don’t with her idea about soulmate and marriage, but I do really like some quotes in her book . One of my favourite is below, on the movie the scene took place in Italy.
“A friend took me to the most amazing place the other day. It’s called the Augusteum. Octavian Augustus built it to house his remains. When the barbarians came they trashed it a long with everything else. The great Augustus, Rome’s first true great emperor. How could he have imagined that Rome, the whole world as far as he was concerned, would be in ruins. It’s one of the quietest, loneliest places in Rome. The city has grown up around it over the centuries. It feels like a precious wound, a heartbreak you won’t let go of because it hurts too good. We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again.”
Maybe a little too overrated, but I think I’m in ruin now. In so many problems, I always choose not to let my heart break because it hurts too good. I chose to stay in some relationships because I was just too afraid of heartbreak. I chose to keep living in fake hope rather than know the reality and face the truth. Settle for living in misery because I’m afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Now, it’s happening.. I have to learn to live life without any attachment: pride, best-friend, boyfriend, money, and any other thing that get me attached. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. I hope that soon I’ll find my way to build my self back up again. YOYO, girls. You On Your Own.